Since hanging out with a lot more people, everyone comes with their baggage and shit. There sure is a lot of lies and secrets passed around. A lot of the same high school shit, just done behind the scenes sort of way. I suck at lying though. I would rather nothing than anything.
Personally, I think I have no baggage; I am glad for that.
I mean, I think I might have some kind of a neurotic case. I think thats why I live that solo life heavily. I am obsessively a perfectionist as well, or have too high standards of things, even to myself. I think the neurotic in me is why I don't open up well.
I lost my parents years ago in 1996. One of most difficult things in my life. It sucked. A good example of how the feeling is to imagine a deck of card pyramid house a few stories total. You are in the middle, like an Egyptian king, and the bottom floor goes out. I had to go to school, see 'friends' (I was nine years old), move everything I knew, and change my routine. I have played the safe card almost every time since my parents and never took a 'leap of faith' since then until about Senior year or after graduating high school. I eventually took a slight downward spiral by being 'terminated' from work (avoided police gladly), and flunked out of the School of Technology college pathway. Fear of the unknown sucks.
After my parents, I had guardians and my grandma, but one was old and barely spoke much english and the others each had a few kids of their own and own life to to progress(I was the first generation in the US) because life in the United States is not easy. I always lived on minimal needs, until I turned sixteen and started getting the taste of money. It has eventually turned into my obsession. Money and superficial things can not really disappoint you except you disappointing yourself I think. something of that sort of like. I am not thinking most vivdly at the moment, but just writing my thoughts or brain farts on here so that I have something of substance to grasp and look back upon. I like to remember.
I will write more tomorrow. I sort of have a topic in mind, but we will see how I progress upon that. Tonight is most likely a DJ Lord at Honey with LeeGreenwich dudes and Chris Allen of Inkproof.